Finding life again

Recently I have decided I need to help myself. You know I have three kids and the baby melts my heart. My other ones probably notice it but I think are greatful because she changes my feelings on what I am going to do next. She has prevented me from leaving. I find myself looking at her so much because I see myself in her. A Lot! I capture a lot of what she does and how she acts. The way she moves, laughs, crys, jokes, and her being her lilself. She is so happy I want to be where she is at. We rode our bikes this past weekend and I had a great time with my kids and not being on the phone in such a long time. It was the most ive done with my body in a long time. We bicycled for 5 hours straight! My ass hurt and my nani too. But you know what I was finally out there doing the things that I love best. Hanging out with my kids. Laughing so hard. I can't really remember when was the last time I did this. This weekend motivated me to get to my shit together and go along with society. I am missing out on life sitting here crying for myself. I know a certain person I love very much and always will I had to avoid along the way recently and I am sorry to leave that behind. But I need to move forward to help myself and not let my kids see me in such depressed pain anymore. They are to good to me for me to do that to them. Everytime I cry they come and comfort me. They hug me with their lil arms. I think wow it doesn't matter that I was gone for a year they understand mom needed to get herself together and in that process she fell back and now they know I need them. They talk to me with so much understanding. I realize I did well raising them right. I have never known three kids from same parent that believe that mom is trying and everything else does not matter only that Im here now and I will be fine. Not sure if you understand what I mean but they are the most amazing kids I know. Yeah they have their flaws but don't we all. Im one to say for sure I have flaws especially having to have been gone out of their lives for a year and everyone here nows my past situation and I had to. Now I feel more strong because Im not in that situation any more. I needed that one year. I did what I was set out to do. I lost myself in the end but I am working my way back with my kids who are helping me and showing me the route back. I remember when I was young I disliked my mom so much I used a knife to my bed and spelled out my mom is a B.... I regret that BTW,. But my kids dont have the same feeling I had for my mother. I sleep in my lil babys bunk and I was surprised to I see MOM spelled in pencil with a star in front of the word MOM. Including Jorgys and Mark Jr. names were written there. I believe my children are gods lil angels he sent them to me to help me conquer what I have been going through. He knew I needed three like me to see me through my way back to life again. I know he knows our future and he saw my future and gave me what he knew was going to save me. I LOVE MY KIDS! Thanks for being sweet with an open heart and understanding children. ;)Love MOM!