Empty Echo Rooms

The echo of an empty room is so lonely it stands on ones moment of a sad silence... you slam a door and it slams 4 doors like a sound of waves in your ears. At some point you wish you were still there just because my kids will miss their long time friends but knew it was time for a new change. You look inside and its so empty, so hollow, so full of broken heart memories. Every room has a story, every door has a new beginning just like the movie "If these walls could talk" mine would tell you the life of a struggling mother coming out of a true life story of a life time movie channel. I breath in and still smell the history of what that place was. I look around and try to capture some kind of happy memory and all I seem to remember is rooms full of tears and heart ache memories. The broken walls the person who promised to never hurt you ever again but left temporary scars on a body, ugly memories in the 4 people whom were promised repeatedly never to hurt the ones he loved deeply and all they got in the end were words of lies that didn't mean a thing. One beer in my hand at the patio that I would stand when I needed to relax and feel the wind on my face. I poured a drink down to the ground celebrating that I left that empty place saying good bye, toasted to a freedom of making new memories at my new place that I have struggled to move my small little Segura/Gonzalez Family~

;)

"Childhood sweethearts long lost crush"

Remember as a child you remember a certain time in place like a play ground you meet others surround you. He comes to you while your pouting to see how you are doing hoping you don't notice he is crushing on you. You see him too but you don't say a word... You wonder why he is asking if your okay... But then he laughs at you and you think what the heck? But he does it, not to let you in on how he truly feels and that if his way of making you not even come close to what he actually thinks about you... In time and distance he looks at you. In time and distance you notice him and glance at him but you as well do not want to show you like him too... So you both act like strangers which becomes so much more then distant... You become the perfect strangers... Growing up together having come together because of school you two continue to play the game of silent distance friends. You both have one connection with each other with certain friends and family yet not even that helps to figure out you two have these feelings for one another. The last time you laid your eyes on him... was seeing him say something to your friend, his family and you notice him notice you but neither realize or thinks to approach the opportunity to see if you two can have anything... You see him walk away not knowing that would be the last time you see your childhood crush sweet heart... Through many years that pass you by, you wonder here and there, his where about, but more like a broken heart memory that never came to exist. As children you know it was because of shyness innocence. As teenagers was the fact neither knew how to approach one another. As adults you've gone through many obstacles, you've voiced your thoughts and gained the confidence that God allowed one another a chance to see how they can come about. Came to find out they both do match and have been able to express what they feel. What will happen now? Only time can tell. Only they can lead the way to where they want to go and see as adults what they want this to be. Maybe life was intended this way from the beginning so that they would learn more about themselves before God can put them in each others paths again...They will never know unless they start now.... It has begun as grown ups they told each other what they never could tell one another as children or as teenagers. Now is where they stand and well the future holds that knowledge... God holds their strength and commitment they have for one another to see if they can now try what never came about...........

Mexiqueen~

"Today's modern calculations use of our technology's"

Ok my experience in using technology was so difficult in counting that I have come to realize we need it more then we think we do, but do we really?... Honestly I believe we have portrayed ourselves to think we need it because it is so convenient for us in today's modern world. I mean back then there was nothing we didn't depend on material things to get us through the day. Today I find myself consumed in technology. I must say that writing this essay has been more challenging than any other because being told to count your daily tech use that's like all the time use. I mean from waking up in the morning and checking your emails, status on what your day will be, wish people a day of happiness, going to your kitchen and making a cup of coffee after the use of having a shower and using the facilities, brushing your teeth, reading a newspaper which was made by today's technology, turning on the TV to see all the news about the new technology. Walking to the kitchen to make breakfast on a stove and gathering your food for prep that you collect from your refrigerator.You begin by washing your hands and food with water in the sink. Water being as warm as it is because of the boiler that warms your hot water to right temperature. You decide to go online of course today we realize how time flies so fast online you think you were in front of the screen for only 10 minutes but it was actually 40 minutes. You email, IM, post, play games, sync your music, play your music while doing all this. You then shut down because you realize most of your time has been in here so you then you go, sit in the living room, and if you're like me who has a blackberry with internet (Well not anymore :P) you find yourself logged in here through your phone and multitaskin your small little devices by texting, speaker talking to family or friends. Mean while they are doing the same thing on the other end.... Same concept different machine... Were all like robots doing the same thing. It's become normal to us and so convenient. As your sitting there, your convo becomes ehhh! So, you complete your call, stop what you're doing, then decide to watch a movie which is what is being used these days, DVD players... Or now and days we all have cable with many options to watch different programs. When back then there were only 3 channels. Today the cable company has become rich to our needs of wanting more channels, better programs, because we want to be comfortable, that we demand it, and order it. Just like every technology out there we demand it no matter how much the cost and the price you pay that puts us in debt we still find a way to purchase our bad habits we have grown accustom to.... Hello Comcast didn't just come up with the word on demand for their sake it's because of our demands! Anyway so... days become nights which all the lights come on, and we of course by then have made lunch, dinner, washed our dishes... (In my case my kids are lazy they use the dishwasher and I keep telling them not to because it's does not wash the dishes right! It only makes them dirtier! But oh well while I'm at school they think what she doesn't know won't hurt...) So we then turn off all our technology's,to end the days with a shower, brush our teeth, and sleep the night away. But, we still use technology in the nights. We all now and days have central air,nightlights, wake up for a cup of cool water or warm up some tea, use the facilities', and check the time. What would we do if we didn't have any of these things? Well as to a reply I told a classmate of mine from what it is to be the same question and assignment we both have. Hers was more of (and don't quote me because not sure on exact wording but was something like this...) What would we do without toilets, vacuums, fans, air conditioners, blow dryers, cooking, phones, TV, and lights. ....... My exact response was which I edit it a bit: We would take a crap in sink holes, use unpaired socks for toilet paper,TV we would play charades, Vacuum we would rip off the carpets and have regular floors to clean on all fours like they use to, stove learn to start a fire outside with twigs and make a sink hole on the ground where we haven't yet crapped at and use for oven, lights use torches that we would hand make, fans tell each other to blow on each other's faces lol, air conditioner forget that we would tell each other to blow harder lol, water then we would relocate to where there's a nearby lake, phones lol probably make your hand into a fist and take out your thumb and pinky and talk into it lol and tell who ever is with you to go along with you lol or get two cans and use a string to each end and you talk in one can and the other idiot talks in the other lmao, blow dryer well breath air is full of hot air as it is lol, yeah we can do it again but would we want to NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Finally completing this essay fwww allows me to think I got this out of the way and seeing as to I just typed this in my computer I need to print it out from my printer. Why didn't I use pen or pencil like they used back in the day.... I don't know I just did because I was in front of my computer already face booking this... I wanted to share the things that we all experience in today's world and everyone realizing that we are lucky to be living the way we are today because tomorrow it can be taken away. So be blessed and grateful for what we strive to learn in these things called technology or one day we will find ourselves in the same life from the movie "The book of ELI"... BTW I used more than one thousand technology uses since the assignment started... From the new module beginning and instructed by instructor I logged in what I could. As of Saturday morning I had already had done 469 text messages, 24 emails, two loads of laundry, drove my truck 6 times, made 59 calls, had many cups of coffee, and stopped counting by then. Now add to that another day which is today Sunday. By tomorrow it being turned in, I think it will be more than 2 thousand, maybe even three. (Having to fix my browser in my blackberry and not being able to accomplish repair took a lot of technical support help. What good did that do? There is still no connection) But blessed to have a phone, text, and everything else in my life today! Mainly my little lazy's who are the new inventors of tomorrow's new technology!

Fiction or non-fiction? What do you think!

Ok so as I’m sitting here thinking about class today. Basically we write a journal everyday whom I of course have to thank the professor of assigning our homework! So anyway yesterday’s journal was to be about Death! I thought it would be a hard subject but it came out smoothly poured into my journal. By the way in the end you tell me if this story is fiction or non-fiction.....being able to jot down writing in paper it comes easy for me…I am to portray a situation of being in the career I am graduating soon to be medical assistant. How I can separate my feelings with a patient dying. It is not necessarily possible because we are humans who in nature have the tendency to feel anything. Knowing I wrote a good paper I decided to add my own experience or is it? You tell me! Remember I worked at a nursing home caring for the elderly.....

Being a medical assistant I’ve had the opportunity to care for different people. I can recall a moment of an elderly I was to help care for. She was very nice, fragile, and a troubled woman. The reason she was troubled was because she was put in the hospital for the condition she had. I was scheduled to help her with whatever she needed to make her feel comfortable.

In times I would stare at her because she seemed so lost. Her eyes were pacing around like a child unfamiliar with curtain moments. I would speak to her and ask her questions. I would admire the life she lived. The stories she would tell me were like drawings, paintings, and Art you see in a museum. Beautiful antique moments captured in her thoughts. I had gotten her comfortable enough, to her requesting me that I take care of her more often. As time passed by I made sure not to get attached, same times you still grow fond of your patients.

The day came she was very ill and I would see her more weak. Eventually the doctor said she wouldn’t get any better. As a person helping I had to be professional and separate my feelings to both sides. Hold in what I saw, her being deteriorating basically right before my eyes. Last moment of her existence was getting her family together. I allowed them to take their one on one time visit with her to say their goodbyes. I would see her family in a group talking about all the fond memories they had of her when she was young and vibrant. They would laugh and cry all these mixed emotions.

Checking on her last hours was a close up of death before my eyes. In some sense I could feel the sadness in her family having to miss her already. I could feel my patient weaker and more fragile than before. I felt achiness beneath my stomach knowing I was not only losing a patient but a woman who had become a friend of mine.

Her last breath was listening to the machine flatling and the pouring tears coming down like rain. It was a sad yet not so quiet moment because all you hear is the family start to grieve and sounds of broken hearts. As she is laying there her body cold turning blue, I had seen her cross over to the unknown world. I was just grateful to have had the pleasure of being a part of such a wonderful woman to care for.

All of these stages of seeing first hand all mixed different emotions was not something I ever wanted to endure, but it’s a way of life we all have to get through in any type of situation. I am just blessed my time with her was special that I carry her in a place within my heart.

Time as it goes by I pass by her old room and I have pausing moments of remembering her. A new tenant takes up the room......Another employee relives my days....


Mexiqueen~

Blogging my thoughts of captivating this heated feeling

The heat of today is rolling down my skin, the stickiness of the touch you feel as if you’re going to melt... Life as we know it is so still yet so not, your eyes squint when you feel it drip down your side of your lids... Put an ice on your skin and see it flow melting it... Pouring the wetness down till it dries into the nothing. Your laying there thinking of how much more heat will it get for you to undress completely. I’m sure I have you all with eye brows rising and wanting more of this detailed sensation.... Well you recapture yourself and move to get into a comfortable position and feel the skin slowly wet and stickiness from your legs, your back, your thighs, every part that’s touching and placed on your couch your laying on. It’s so hot and just the little air breezes through making you feel like you can continue to take this feeling of heatness… You hair is wet because the heat made its way to make your hair sweat. So you gather your fingers through your hair slowly gently massage it together. You smell the perfume of the shampoo in your hair ocean breeze perfect smell for the perfect moment... you breath in slowly and think what a special time so u sigh... hhhhhm... Nothing as mesmerizing as endless times of little things. You stretch yourself sideways and relax the moment of stillness think to yourself that it’s your time of enjoyment even when it’s just the heat of the moment. As I feel the warmth of it all I feel every sensation of sweat all over my body...I fidget my toes and tip toe them into feeling of it’s softly movements. As that point in time you gather yourself and as good as it felt you need a really nice cool down. I’m quite done with writing about this topic and I’m sure you feel different but for now the author must leave you all in wanting more but I’m glad I put some kind of rising feeling within you… Have yourselves a very good evening! :)



Mexiqueen~

wow reading a lot on my blogs I need to change my outlook in life!

I read a lot of what I have writen in the past and god I was such a sad person.... I have come a long ways from then I feel different today! Its as if walking away has done me good... Im happy and content I am watching a movie with my kids while reading my past blogs and thinking how I felt then and how I FEEL and how I am now. Being home knowing I have a job and I will pay the bills on my own makes me proud of myself. Life has changed since I walked away from all of that negative stage. Im all giddy and in a happy place.This is what I longed for in such a long time! SOmething I told someone I will carry those words to my heart live laugh and love thats what life is all about... Glad I learned that now better late then never right ;) WooT wOot!

My 34th birthday~

Okay so yesterday was for most part OK, Did the things I had to do and caught up and reminisced about history with a friend from way back in the day. Similar situations hard to believe but know that I am not the only one that went through the same shit. Started drinking wine my half of the day and surprisingly one of my good friends came by and whisked me away. Took me to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and drinks. Laugh most of the night about funny shit! We drank and drank till my words came out slurrrish lol I knew I was in a really good place! To top it all of my father called,... in my whole time of living this was the first birthday call. He wished me a good day and love, hugs, and kisses. Hard times, hard times I have to admit!, but this as the icing on the cake. Hanging up noticed more drinks were coming in our way... From a group of people seeing we were having a good time because it was my day! Happy Birthday they said enjoy! u two beautiful women. How old r u two? like 22, 25 lol yeah right I was thinking if only that was my age. But we excepted the drinks and excepted the compliments from the people side from us. Two men with their guitars came up and sang me a song it was awesome I was flourished and numb... Just for the fact I had such a great time! Thank you Patty your a great friend! The same people who bought us more drinks paid the men to sing more for me. Ended the evening getting home safe, these two good looking men staring as us two beautiful women. Saying hello, how r u doing this evening? lol We laughed and giggled saying to them u two are sweet and commenting back, what r ur names? I turned around walking up my stairs saying u two boys need to go home, because this birthday girl is done for the count. They asked its ur birthday how old u turn sexy lady? lol 34 and loving it! Thanks for allowing me to feel young! Have good night! Then the door opened kids surprised me with a chocolate cake they baked for me while I was out! I had a bite only cuz I was stuffed of so many margaritas and nachos we ate. The cake was delic I was surprised my kids baked me a cake while i wasn't here. Well today I woke with light coming in my window down to my face at 6 am thinking what the hell? How many drinks did I drink I last night I don't think I want to drink for a very long time! Yeah right like if that's going to happen. But for now I need to get my some tylenols and comment on fb! Did that then went right back to bed! All in all I entered my birthday with a BANG! ;) Thanks for you all for wishing me a very Happy Birthday! Lets see what this year holds for you all and me! Have a Great weekend I need to study got finals soon and I haven't even started! :P


April AKA Mexiqueen~