Confusion

The grass is greener from time to time but most of my time its dry and willow. I believe there is something better for me but nothing happens. I'm here and not here like a video playing and I'm looking in from the other side. Some people want whats best for me but I don't want what they think I want. I love alone! I love the space the time the quietness. I love to jog because I do it alone. I don't like company because all they do is talk and to me that's my time to think and see what I will do next sometimes I go home with nothing but some calmness within myself from what I get from jogging. So much in my life has happened can anyone ever go back. I believe in life we take steps forward not backwards. So what am I doing going back I think. I'm lost but times I'm found it so miserable what is in my mind. I had in my whole time that I have lived one point in my life I was comfortable and that was me being alone able to take care of myself. I loved my independence. Coming and going when ever I pleased. That was my shining time. I proved myself I loved being with myself. I made mistakes that took me away from all that I gained in that year so how do I go back. How do I get that back? Everyone says I need help with how I am and how I feel but whats so wrong about wanting to be alone. I don't believe a woman needs a man to feel complete I feel a woman needs to find herself before anything. The people in her past is what makes me strong I was hurt too many times I am strong enough to stand on my own two feet. Yeah alone I made mistakes and I am today paying for them. But it was mostly feeling sadness and seeing another person suffer which made me weak. But I think that's what gets us by, having compassion for others. In the same sense we lose ourselves. I have again hit a wall I miss the road and I cant do that anymore I know I can't but its my comfort zone. Who would have thought a simple drive and seeing so many landscapes all over can be such a rush of therapeutical. A tear comes down my cheek from time to time to want to be out there and not here where now I feel stuck and there I feel complete. I am stuck in my case no one knows just I know how stuck I am..... You know I wouldn't know if I wanted to be rich because being rich already makes people miserable. In fact it is worst because you would already have everything and people would love you finally but you know its only because they are not truly there for you. All I know I was happy at one point of my life and that was when I was at the top of my life and God knows and only he will know how happy I was. I pray he puts me back to that point again and the next time around I will be a lot smarter how I make my life decisions. I am wiser now and that comes with age and knowledge's of the past mistakes we all make!