Scared of my Future

Do you know when you hear some sad news and you wish you didn't want to hear it. It might not be anything which is what I am praying. But when a professional confirms they feel what u feel then its like a eye opener and pray you don't want to go through any of it. I rather live my life and not know anything else just live it to the fullest and get the best of it. How ever long I have in this life then I just want to live it with me being me and not knowing anything else. I know its not fare for the people in my life but everyone is different in their own way. Mine is this way....... My kids would I think understand when they get older. Because who can live with so much pain of radiation kimo. I have heard many story's I don't want to suffer. I know many woman have fought it and won the battle. I'm just I guess worried I don't have the energy for it. I just hope that what the doctor felt and what I feel every night on my chest is nothing. I will schedule a mammogram appointment tomorrow. Hope to be seen soon. I'm tired of thinking of this. I just want to know. I guess so I know what to do and be ready to except and prepare for the results...... And whatever I decide to do I hope the beautiful people in my life can except my decision.